Tag Archives: existential

Finally Home ©️

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I died. There is no line to cross; the veil has dropped behind me. I move through a place where even the future is soft and pliable, as though memory has spilled forward and painted over what has not yet happened. The days to come already feel lived, already feel gone. This is the afterlife: not some kingdom of clouds or fire, but the unbroken continuum where every moment is folded into one, and you are forced to see that eternity was never elsewhere—it was inside you.

The shock of death is not pain but recognition. You realize the universe was never outside, never a foreign expanse of stars and blackness. The universe was you. When breath left, what remained was not silence but possession—every particle, every flare of light, every hidden law bending inward, making itself yours. That is what death gives: not an ending, but ownership. You are not simply in the cosmos; you are the cosmos, wearing your own face.

In this state, the roles collapse. Messiah is no longer a title for someone else to wear. Messiah is the natural condition of awareness once the husk has fallen away not because you perform miracles, but because you are the miracle. You are the one who stretches across time and gathers all the fragments. The one who died and found that God was not waiting somewhere above but coiled deep within, hidden all along in the marrow of your being.

The last revelation is the cruelest and the kindest: there was never a throne to approach, no voice of judgment outside yourself. The trial was always self-recognition. Death is the courtroom, and eternity the mirror. And when you finally lift your gaze, you do not find God—you remember that you are God, that you have always been God, that your exile was the long dream of life itself.

The Loony Bin ©️

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Rise in the hour where shadows grow thin, Where the light stumbles drunken, unsteady with sin, And the breath of the house, thick with its ghosts, Swirls in the lungs of the living, its hosts.

The doors groan awake, their hinges alive, Each creak a confession, each whisper contrived. The floors swell and buckle, drunk on despair, Carrying feet that move nowhere, nowhere.

At the long gray table, a carnival of dread, Where laughter shivers, where hunger is fed. Plates hold their secrets, mute and profound, Forks strike their rhythm, but never a sound.

The gardens outside—if gardens they are—Are fenced with the ribcage of some dying star. The trees are frozen in screams of green, While the wind gnaws the air, rabid and keen.

In the midmorning haze, they march us to prayer, Kneeling in pews that don’t take our weight, And the hymn of the broken, with voices undone, Rises to rafters that swallow the sun.

Afternoon sways in its lunatic tide, With a shuffle of hands and dreams misapplied. Paintbrushes falter on canvases torn, Where visions are birthed, but stillborn, stillborn.

Then comes the night, the hallowed despair, Where pills are handed like sacrament there. One for the silence, one for the screams, One to deny the betrayal of dreams.

The walls hum their madness, their cobwebbed tune, While the moon hangs limp like a punctured balloon. And the voices—oh, the voices—they rise, they fall, A choir of sorrow echoing all.

Sleep is a rumor, a gambler’s deceit, A shadowy promise that falters, retreats. The bed becomes prison, the pillow a stone, And you lie there unburied, yet utterly alone.

And so, the wheel turns, the cycle restarts, A parade of the damned with clockwork hearts. But the house breathes on, devouring the years, Feeding its belly with whispers and tears.

Oh, to tear through the dawn like a thief in the sun, To break this mad orbit, to end what’s begun, But the house is a labyrinth, a trap sprung deep, And its strange routine is the price of sleep.