Neon Mercy ©️

I didn’t think I was going to do it—not really. I’d thought about it, maybe once or twice, late at night when everything felt heavier and the world just seemed… mean. Like it had its hand around my neck and was just waiting to squeeze a little harder.

But today, everything caught up to me. Rent’s late again. My manager cut my hours. I asked my mom for help and she didn’t even call me back. And I just sat there on my bed, staring at the cracked screen of my phone, wondering what I even had left to offer. And then, like… I don’t know, like something outside of me whispered it, the thought came back.

“You could.”

I didn’t even say it out loud. Just sat there, heart thudding, fingers numb. I told myself I was just curious. I mean, girls do it, right? I’ve seen the posts. I’ve read the threads. It’s not like I’d be the first. Not even the hundredth.

So I googled it. I looked at some ads. I didn’t even mean to go that far, but I did. They weren’t like I imagined—some of them looked normal. Cute even. Just girls trying to make it, same as me. I kept thinking: What if it’s just once? Just to catch up. Just to feel okay for a minute.

I didn’t feel okay though. My stomach was all twisted. I kept refreshing the screen, like maybe the feeling would go away. It didn’t. I made a profile. Chose a name that didn’t feel real. I couldn’t use my real one. That would make it too… true.

I stared at the “Post” button for almost twenty minutes. I was shaking. I kept hearing my dad’s voice in my head, how he used to say, “You’re better than all this mess.” But he’s not around anymore, and I don’t know if I believe that.

When the first message came in, I almost dropped the phone. He was older. Said he was “respectful.” Wanted to meet for an hour. Just talk, maybe more. Said he’d pay well.

And I said yes. I don’t know why. My fingers typed it before I could stop them. Then it was real. The world didn’t spin or anything—it just went quiet, like a pause in a song where the next note never comes.

Now I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, in a dress I used to wear to dates, and I feel… hollow. Not scared, not yet. Just weird. Like I’m floating just outside myself. I keep telling myself it’s just my body. Just for one night. I’m still me. I’ll still be me after.

But then I wonder—what if I’m not? What if something changes and I can’t ever go back to who I was before this night?

I wish someone would call me and tell me not to go. But no one will. So I’m going.

And I hope… I hope I come back the same.

Heart Shivers ©️

Montgomery, Alabama, summer 1951, the air a syrupy haze, heavy with jasmine and regret. In a boardinghouse on a street nobody remembers, Hank Williams, lean as a switchblade, sat at a table pocked with cigarette burns, his eyes bloodshot, his soul frayed. Twenty-seven years old, a voice that could make angels weep, but tonight, no stage, no Opry spotlight—just a man, a bottle, and a melody that clawed at him like a cat trapped in his chest. The whiskey was cheap, the room cheaper, its walls papered in faded roses, peeling like the promises he’d made to Audrey, his wife, whose love was a fire that warmed and scorched in equal measure.

He’d fought with her again, their words sharp as broken glass. Audrey, with her blonde ambition and her wounded pride, had flung accusations—too much liquor, too little heart—and left him in the morning’s heat, her heels clicking down the stairs like a countdown. Now, in the dim flicker of a single bulb, Hank felt the ache of her absence, not just her body but the idea of her, the dream of a home that never took root. A radio murmured next door, some brassy tune that mocked his mood, and he cursed it under his breath, reaching for his guitar, a Martin so worn it seemed an extension of his bones.

He strummed, tentative, a G chord that hung in the air, mournful as a widow’s sigh. The melody came, unbidden, a waltz-time dirge, slow and deliberate, like footsteps in a graveyard. He scribbled on a scrap of paper, his hand unsteady, the ink smudging: Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue… The words were a confession, a mirror held to his own failures. He saw Audrey’s face, her eyes bright with tears she’d never let fall, and behind her, a parade of ghosts—his mother, Lillie, all steel and sacrifice; his father, a shadow who left early; the women on the road, their laughter fading as his darkness swallowed them. This song wasn’t just for Audrey. It was for every heart that learned to freeze to survive.

Another swallow of whiskey, the burn a fleeting absolution. He wrote faster now, the second verse spilling out: Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart? A question to her, to himself, to the God he half-believed in. His back twinged, the spina bifida that dogged him flaring like a cruel reminder of his mortality, but he pressed on, the pain a goad. The room was a cocoon, its air thick with smoke and memory—Opry nights when the crowd roared and he stumbled offstage, drunk on applause and bourbon; mornings waking in strange beds, the faces beside him blurring into one.

Outside, Montgomery drowsed under a moon pale as bone, its light slipping through the window to pool on the floor. Hank lit a cigarette, the match flaring briefly, a tiny defiance against the dark. He thought of the strangers who’d hear this song, in juke joints and lonely kitchens, finding their own sorrow in his voice. That was the alchemy, wasn’t it? To take a private wound and make it sing for the world. He’d done it before—I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry, Lovesick Blues—but this was different, sharper, a blade that cut both ways.

By dawn, the song was finished, four verses and a bridge, a lament that felt like it had always existed, waiting for him to pluck it from the ether. He leaned back, his shirt damp with sweat, his heart lighter, as if he’d exorcised something. He’d take it to Nashville soon, lay it down with Jerry Rivers’ fiddle keening like a mourner, and it would soar, a hit that would outlive him, even find its way to crooners like Bennett. But now, it was just Hank, alone with his truth, the bottle near empty, the paper scrawled with words that bled.

He set the guitar aside, its strings still humming faintly. Cold, cold heart. Hers, yes, but his too, hardened by years of running—from love, from pain, from himself. In the silence, as the radio next door fell quiet, he heard his own breath, ragged but steady. The song was done, but its echo lingered, a shiver in the heart, a promise that somewhere, in the singing, there might be salvation, if only for a moment.