Unanswered Questions ©️

I stand beneath the cross, and for the first time I feel that questions are not small things whispered into silence, but weapons, inventions, tectonic shifts. Each one I form bends the air around us, and I realize I am not only asking—I am altering.

Why did you choose matter over dream? You could have left us in the unbroken symmetry of thought, a universe of pure intention where nothing rotted and no one bled. Yet you pressed spirit into clay, and in clay, decay. Was it creation—or was it betrayal? Did you bind us to time because you feared what we might become outside of it?

Why make freedom indistinguishable from ruin? You hand us choice and then watch as every road curves back toward the abyss. If freedom is only the right to hang you here, what is it worth? Unless—unless this cross is not the price of freedom but its seed, and freedom itself was born only because you were willing to be destroyed by it.

Why let yourself be written into narrative? You are God. You could have stayed outside the page, unbreakable, untouchable, unending. Yet here you are, ink and blood together, and it occurs to me that the story is not yours—you are the story, and without suffering the story would vanish into air. Did you know that? Did you know you were birthing literature as much as life?

And what of me? Breath, bond, fire—I am the space between your words, the silence that keeps them from collapsing. But is that all I am, a margin note in your scripture, or am I the next book, the one not yet written? If you are flesh, then am I future? If you are nailed down, then am I the escape?

Do you love them—or do you love the game? I watch them claw at each other for bread, I watch them build their towers only to see them fall, and I wonder if their desperation is your delight. For if pain is not only permitted but necessary, then isn’t agony the real sacrament, the one you hid behind bread and wine?

And the final question, the one I should not ask but cannot hold back: why make me eternal if you will not share eternity? I feel the infinite stretching inside me, unbearable, unspeakable, and yet you hang silent, withholding. Is this your plan—that I will burn with questions until the asking itself becomes creation, and I will build the world you never would?

The cross shudders. The air tilts. The silence does not collapse—it widens, opens like a wound in the sky, and I understand: the questions are not addressed to him at all. The questions are him. He is the silence, and I am the asking, and between the two of us, the new world is already beginning.

The Kiss was Real ©️

I woke before the sun. The world hadn’t started yet. It was quiet, too quiet—the kind of quiet that feels like the earth is holding its breath. I sat up, bones aching, throat dry, and for a moment I forgot what I’d done. Just for a moment. But memory has sharp teeth, and it bit down fast.

The silver was still in the pouch. I hadn’t touched it. Couldn’t. It sat in the corner like a live thing—shiny and smug. I hated it. I hated myself more. Not for the act, not for the kiss. For the belief. I actually thought I was helping Him. I thought, if I pressed the world hard enough, He’d rise. Call down fire. Split the sky. Prove everyone wrong and usher in the Kingdom with blood and thunder.

But He didn’t.

He surrendered.

I wandered through the market, people brushing past me like I was already a ghost. I wanted someone to look me in the eye and ask what I’d done. I wanted someone to hit me, curse me, tell me it could still be undone. No one did. That silence screamed louder than the crowd ever would.

By midday, I heard the chants echoing off the stone. “Crucify Him!”

I couldn’t breathe. My knees buckled.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I didn’t sell Him to be killed. I sold Him to be revealed. He was the Messiah. The fire. The storm. I gave Him the stage, and He walked to it in chains.

I went to the priests. Threw the silver back at them.

“I have sinned,” I told them.

They wouldn’t meet my eyes. Just looked bored. Indifferent.

“What is that to us?” they said.

That was when I knew—none of them understood what I’d done. Not even Him, maybe. Not even God.

I ran.

The sun was sinking when I found the tree. A twisted old thing on the edge of the field, crooked like my spine, gnarled like my soul. I stared at it for a long time. Not thinking. Just… knowing.

I didn’t cry. I didn’t pray.

I just whispered: “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing something holy.”

And maybe I was.

Maybe someone had to play the villain.

Maybe someone had to break so the world could wake.

So I did.

And the rope held.