They told us to undress.
I stood in line, barefoot on the cold concrete, my toes curled against the sting of the floor. The air was heavy, metallic, humming with the breath of men who would not speak. We had all stopped talking days ago. Words had no use in this place. We watched the guards. We listened for the bark of dogs. We tried not to think.
The line moved slowly. There was no panic. No screaming. Just a resigned silence, like the hush that falls before a storm that never ends. I held my father’s coat in my hands, though he was no longer in it. It still smelled like him—tobacco, wool, and something human. I don’t know why I kept it. Maybe because it was the last thing I could carry that belonged to love.
A boy in front of me turned around. He had freckles. He couldn’t have been more than fourteen. He looked at me like he wanted to ask if it would hurt. I wanted to tell him something—anything—but I had nothing left but the ache in my legs and the sting in my eyes.
The doors opened.
We stepped inside. They told us it was a shower. The tiles were real. The pipes looked real. There were even drains. But no water came. Just the sound of the door closing behind us. A metallic echo that rang like the last bell of a world already gone.
I held my breath at first. Then I screamed. Not with my mouth. With everything inside me that had not yet surrendered.
Then—
Then came the sting. The choking. The mad panic, bodies climbing on bodies, the air turning to knives. A thousand hands clawing at a ceiling that had no mercy. Someone pissed themselves. Someone sang. Someone called for their mother. I think that last one was me.
And then—
Nothing.
No tunnel of light. No warmth. Just a great unfolding.
I was above it. Outside it. Looking down on myself and the others, crumpled like rags. A grotesque stillness in a room that still echoed with invisible pain. I felt… not peace. Not at first. Just absence. The absence of fear. The absence of cold. The absence of weight.
And then I felt them.
All of them.
Everyone who had died there. Not as ghosts. Not as souls. But as a field of memory. A sea of what once was, pulsing like a heartbeat beyond flesh. I was part of it. I was still myself—but spread out. Thin and wide and endless. We were all one now. A fabric of loss. A hymn of names no longer spoken.
And God?
He was there too. But He wasn’t watching. He was inside us—in the final breath, in the scream that never left the throat, in the silence that fell after the last body collapsed.
We were not gone. We had changed. And the world would carry our weight, whether it wanted to or not.
