The day of the ceremony had been nothing special at first. We drifted through the hours like smoke through the rafters, languid in the heat, barefoot in the dust. The horses dozed under the sagging beams of the stable, tails flicking lazily. The smell of sage from the hills mixed with the faint sourness of sweat and old hay. There was nothing to suggest that this was the day everything would end—nothing except Charlie’s silence.
He was quieter than usual, his eyes brighter but fixed on something far away. He spent most of the afternoon bent over in the yard, dragging his fingers through the dirt, shaping something. The rest of us gave it only half-interest at first, lying on the porch or fiddling with guitars. But as the hours stretched and the sun slid lower, I realized his work had taken on form: a spiral, wide enough for three people to stand inside, carved deep into the earth with grooves that caught the amber light like lines in a palm.
No one asked what it was. We didn’t have to. Charlie’s voice later, at the fire, would put a name to it—a door—but even before he spoke, there was an unspoken understanding. This was where we would pass through.
By the time dusk bled into night, the ranch had gathered around the fire. Bottles passed from hand to hand, wine warm from the heat of the day. Powder was poured into palms, tabs laid like communion wafers on the tongue, seeds chewed until the mouth was numb. The air thickened as the smoke from the fire mixed with the curling sweetness of whatever Charlie burned in an old coffee tin—something green and sharp, with a sweetness that clung to the back of the throat.
It began innocently, even sweetly. The girls moved first, swaying to a slow beat someone strummed on a guitar, hair falling in their faces, shadows playing across bare shoulders. There was a laughter in it, a kind of desert-born innocence, the kind that only survives if you’ve convinced yourself the rest of the world doesn’t exist. A few of the boys joined in, their movements loose, not yet tangled in lust.
But the powders blurred things faster than the wine could. Touches grew bolder, lips found lips without asking, fingers traced the lines of backs and hips with an urgency that didn’t belong to the moment. The music slowed to a lazy heartbeat. The spiral—meant to be sacred—drew us like moths. Feet stepped into its grooves, hands dragged through its carved lines, bodies pressed against each other inside its curves.
It was ecstasy without cruelty, naïveté without any thought of cost. Skin shone in the firelight, damp with heat, streaked with ash and green. I kissed a face I didn’t recognize, tasting wine and the faint bitterness of seeds. Someone wept in the middle of climax, and the sound was swallowed by a chant that had begun without anyone deciding to start it—a low, rolling sound, too deep for our own voices, yet somehow ours.
Charlie didn’t join the knot of bodies. He paced the spiral’s edge like a priest at an altar, whispering to the dirt, sprinkling pinches of powder into the grooves. The smoke that rose from them was unlike the fire’s—low, heavy, curling close to the ground, clinging to ankles before it spread outward like water. When one of the girls stumbled into the spiral’s center, gasping, he didn’t move to help her up. The groove cradled her body as if she belonged there.
We went on until the fire was low and the air was slick with heat. When we finally collapsed, tangled together on the ground, the spiral was still smoking faintly. Charlie’s last words before sleep were soft enough to feel more than hear: Tomorrow, we will be together forever.
Morning came like a held breath.
At first, everything seemed as it should. The light was pale, the air still. But it was a damp stillness, as if it had soaked up the residue of something rotting. The horses were silent, heads high, staring toward the fence. I saw it before I felt it—a small child, barefoot, hair hanging in front of its face, darting between the barn and the tree line. No one here had a child. And yet, the moment it vanished into the trees, I felt something inside me peel away. Not pain—just subtraction, as if a sliver of myself had been stolen and replaced with emptiness.
Far across the flats, a pack of wolves appeared. They ran in silence, fast but without urgency. As they passed, their heads turned in perfect unison toward us, eyes like wet stones. They were gone in moments, but the emptiness in my chest deepened, a hollow behind my ribs where something warm had once been.
From there, the wrongness unfolded slowly, almost politely. The fence posts seemed farther apart, though they stood where they always had. The shadows bent in strange directions, moving as if the light came from somewhere else. A crow cried overhead, the sound stretching far too long, lodging in my head until I couldn’t tell whether I was hearing it or thinking it. The wind shifted and carried the smell of ash—not from any fire, but the kind that pulls every hidden shame up into the light and holds it there.
We began to lose ourselves piece by piece. Not in the way you forget something, but in the way a word, repeated too often, loses its meaning. Memories faded at the edges, thoughts arrived that weren’t entirely ours. Looking into another’s eyes became dangerous, because in that instant, you’d feel their soul pressing against yours—and now they were all pressing together, layer on layer, no space between.
By afternoon, silence ruled the yard. We stood near one another but did not touch. Not because we didn’t want to, but because there was no difference anymore between touch and thought, between self and other. Privacy was gone. Solitude was gone. All that remained was the constant, suffocating nearness of every other soul, their hungers, their memories, their secrets grinding against your own.
We didn’t fall screaming. We didn’t burn. We simply stood there, understanding at last that the ceremony had worked—not to lift us into some promised forever, but to seal us into Satan’s love.
And his love was not warmth. His love was eternal closeness, soul pressed to soul, with no air, no separation, no end. A terror so pure it had no need for fire or chains—only the knowledge that in this place, you would never be alone again.
